I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
