I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
