she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
