I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
