Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
