Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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