Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
