You smell like stripper and shame
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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