Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
