Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
