I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I got inside last night via doggy door
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
