she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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