You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
