She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
