I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
