I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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