I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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