Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
