I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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