allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize