I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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