if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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