It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
