Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
