There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
