Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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