Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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