First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.