Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
