if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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