so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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