Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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