I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
