Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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