fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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