Plan B is the new Plan A
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
