I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
