have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
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