He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
