I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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