I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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