therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
