I got chris browned last night
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
