I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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