You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
