The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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