It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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