..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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