I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
