so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
And then the night went full on bisexual.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
