He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
