Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
should my penis look like a turkey
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
