FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
