If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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