That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
