why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
