i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
