So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
