He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.