My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on