and she was petting her beer can
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.