Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real