am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
