I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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