its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
