Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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