I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
