My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
