so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
