Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
