i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
whose parrot is this?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
