I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
