i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
