READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
