So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
