dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
