I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
