so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
