Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
