You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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