I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
