I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Why did my mother make you get naked?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
