he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Less talking, more tequila
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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