my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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